A Gamer's Perspective

so there i was, killing time talking to Darren in PI this afternoon, reminiscing about the wonders of big stompy robots and blowing stuff up. one of his friends popped by, being a bit early for a gathering to organise the gameplay for a huge WH$40k promo in the store. this lead to a little discussion about perceptions of the gamer by friends, family and prospective life partners. in essence, this was sparked off by him asking what game i played. after finding out i'm a CBT player, he made a remark about not having the resources to dive into more minis-based games, and since he started with $40k he's been essentially married to it. this lead on to how he has a honking great collection of minis (GW huge army lists ftw), and how people (= girlfriends) react when they pop by his house. essentially, once the girl gets over the shock of how much plastic and metal she is seeing (think big-ass glass-fronted display cabinet), variations of a few standard questions will come out...
1) don't you have a life?
2) wah! you love me more or those figurines more?
3) once we get married will you sell them?
question 1 is an ignorant bigoted narrow-minded attempt at passing a comment via a rhetorical question. of course we have a life. it's just different from yours. while you choose to spend your time doing things to relax and switch off such as shopping or cycling or watching a movie, every so often we like to engage our brains. stops the atrophy from setting in.
question 2... quite succinctly answered by Darren's friend. 'wait... this is the 3rd time we're meeting up, i hardly know you and you're asking me this?' why does it turn into a me-or-them thing? its ridiculous. what kind of insecure females are we breeding to feel threatened by minis...
and the 3rd question... to the non-gamer, it seems as if games are things that one discards as one ages so as to move on to more 'matured' things. what if we like it this way? what if our little escape provides us the much-needed stress relief from the mature lifestyle you happen to be touting? why is gaming considered childish anyway? because we imagine? ban the fantasy stock market then! ban Rowling, Tolkien and Gaiman! ban singing in the shower even!
in short, give gamers a break. i truly hate feeling marginalised because i carry dice and am proud of it. because i chose to use my brain in my free time instead of vegetating. because i chose to let little fantasies of big stompy robots seep out of my head and onto the table from time to time.
but then again, the people who most need to re-think their attitude towards their gamer friends, family and loved ones will never read this, because they simply dont care, being an apathetic majority secure in their 'normalness' and 'conventional social behaviour'. they live out their white-bread lives, happy to trudge the same paths and so ready to criticise the harmless variations from their comfortable middle road.
disgusting.

Do Not Read This If You Value Productivity...

best flash game ever!

Boxhead 2play Rooms

simple polygons, yet so much fun! shoot zombies and run around to survive, how long can you last?

Lebensraum

so it's confirmed. i am now fully qualified, unlicensed and unemployed. a big thank you to all the guys who offered advice and support during the exam period! glad it's over, looks like i passed despite the irregularities in question phrasing and the odd stuff that came out during the clinicals. and apparently one can indeed complete the entire Final Pro BDS using the ink in 1 Pilot G-Tec C4 pen.

sent in an entry for the church 20th anniversary songwriting competition. first time i ever tried this kind of thing, was kind of fun, both spazzing out the tune in the space of an hour or so while trying to coordinate the lyrics, and using the entry-level WinXP sound recorder software to cut-n-paste a demo recording together with my brother. see how that one goes, i have a statistical 1/4 chance of winning!

Lust, Caution really does need the extra cockles. after last night's movie session with the class, i can confidently state that the NC16 version should be boycotted! so much significant plot progression was lopped off, the humless version was effectively neutered! do not watch the monkey-version if you value artistic integrity!

Prof Foong offered me a job with the faculty doing some kind of admin stuff. its for a few hours in the day, apparently pays okay, so i should have time for myself. meeting him tomorrow, see how this goes!

Transition

it feels kinda good. although nothing official's on the board, i find myself more able to let myself go and relax. to think of what the heck to do ahead. lets face it... im broke and have too much time now. so many opportunities present themselves nonetheless. i need to learn how to drive. find some income. have some fun. prepare for work. think towards getting a new computer cos this one's dying!

peijun's been sick for practically 2 weeks now with various stuff coming and going in a stream of illnesses, just hope it'll all clear up cos its making her miserable. and the delivery boy is pretty wiped out too! someone should level the bloody hill at river valley, i swear!

when i get my posting, i'm going to change the title of my blog.

Half Past

it was really quite a surreal feeling. there i was, in SM2B starting to write my supposedly erudite opinions on scaling and root planing, when a song rose unbidden into my head and stayed there, rocking away through pretty much the whole paper. a rousing work of rock, possessing a tune full of hope and some truly righteous axe work, that kept my pen driving across the paper for the whole 3 hours.

i present:

Lost My Music - ENOZ feat. SOS-dan
.
Hoshizora miage Watashi dake no hikari oshiete
Anata wa ima doko de Dare to iru no deshou?
.
Tanoshikushiteru koto omou to Samishiku natte
Issho ni mita shinema hitorikiri de nagasu
.
Daisuki na hito ga tooi
Toosugite nakitaku naru no
Ashita me ga sametara
Hora kibou ga umareru kamo Good night!
.
I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
Tomaranai no yo Hi!!
.
Nemuri no fuchi de Yume ga kureru omoide no One day
Anata no kotoba ni wa Sukoshi uso ga atta
.
Hanasanai yo to kimi dake da to
Dakishimeta no ni
Yakusoku ga fuwari to kurai yoru ni kieta
.
Daisuki na hito yo itsumo
Itsu made mo sagashite shimau
Kitto me ga samete mo
Mada maboroshi o kanjitai Morning
.
I lost I lost I lost you!
You’re making making my music!
I lost I lost I lost you!
Mou aenai no? No!
.
Daisuki na hito ga tooi
Toosugite nakitaku naru no
Ashita me ga sametara
Hora kibou ga umareru kamo Good night!
.
Daisuki na hito ga tooi
Toosugite nakitaku naru no
Kitto me ga samete mo
Mada maboroshi o kanjitai Morning
.
I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
Tomaranai no yo
I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
Mou aeru yo ne? Ne!!

and for the jap-impaired people:

Look up at the starry sky and tell me about my own light
Where are you now? And who are you with?

If I think about enjoying things, I feel sad
I weep all by myself at the movie that we saw together

The person who I love is faraway
Too faraway and I feel like crying
When I wake up tomorrow
Look, hope just might be born, Good night!

I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
I won’t stop, Hi!!

In the depths of my slumber, my dream gives my memories a ‘One day’
And there were some lies in your words

Even though you embraced me
Saying, “I won’t let go” and “I’m only yours”
The promise softly disappeared in the dark night

I’m forever searching for
The person who I love
I’m sure that even when I wake up
I’ll still want to feel the illusion, Morning!

I lost I lost I lost you!
You’re making making my music
I lost I lost I lost you!
Can’t we meet anymore? No!

The person who I love is faraway
Too faraway and I feel like crying
When I wake up tomorrow
Look, hope just might be born, Good night!

I’m forever searching for
The person who I love
I’m sure that even when I wake up
I’ll still want to feel the illusion, Morning

I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
I won’t stop
I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
We can meet again, right? Right!!

Lost my music - ENOZ feat. SOS-dan

Suspense

here i am, still hanging in limbo. while technically i should be free and on the way to my exams, the truth is that unless i see my name on the board saying im eligible, i wont have any peace of mind. and at the same time im too inert to haul my ass out of the house and go to school. this studying sucks. dont know why but its even more shitty than all the other years where ive had to study for finals. i feel drained, immobile, in need of instant noodles, irrationally tired, and very bored.

i want this over with quick!

Hurt - Johnny Cash

To Be With You

this was a song i came across only during army time, due to intense sua koo-ness. Mr Big was a band that combined radio-friendly choruses and excellent guitar work. this song stuck in my head because it simply sounded real good! at this time, i wanted to dig the lyrics out and just refresh everyone's memory.

Peijun, the first 4 lines of the 2nd stanza might reflect a bit of your current situation...

To Be With You
*
Hold on little girl
Show me what he's done to you
Stand up little girl
A broken heart can't be that bad
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you
*
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
*
Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
Wake up who cares about
Little boys that talk too much
I seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you
*
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
*
Why be alone when we can be together baby
You can make my life worthwhile
And I can make you start to smile
*
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you
*
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
*
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
*
Just to be the next to be with you

To Be With You - Mr. Big

Chicken Wings

i could do with chicken wings now. chicken wings have played a pretty major role in my dental life as convenient comfort food. the quality of the wings varied from day to day but they were generally both decently edible and fairly cheap. then, a price hike kicked in, and my card got spoilt. chicken wings have not featured in my school life for the past 2 terms or so. its been kind of weird without them. hope there are good chicken wings somewhere near NDC.

on an un-related note about deep fried food, i was wondering if it would be possible to make intrinsically spicy french fries and wedges. kind of like rolling the suckers in tabasco and pepper before throwing them into the fryer. it would make a nice change from the standard issue french fry, and the spices would play off the plain-ness of the potato well, especially if the usual un-thinking Singapore staple of chilli sauce was swapped out for japanese mayonnaise.

Geng Feng? return the deep fryer!

Speed-Waxing

i think i've developed the fastest way to set teeth to conform to an opposing prosthetic dentition! this example assumes a f/p situation...

1) wax up upper arch to ideal setup.
2) grind contacts, adjust for inter-arch alignment issues
3) take first lower molar of desired side, put a column of utility wax underneath. place in region where tooth will eventually lie. close articulator and make fine adjustments.
4) holding articulator closed to maintain position, add wax to cover utility wax, stabilising the molar.
5) add subsequent teeth until all desired teeth are placed. interproximal grinding may be needed to adapt mesial-most tooth against abutment/framework.

this method allows one to get achieve fast positioning of the lower arch teeth without messing around with heating and reheating wax. it also eliminates wax shrinkage and tooth slip as the wax holding the tooth in place cools down. the wax which comes free with the rack of teeth is actually pretty decent, havent tried with the standard-issue rope wax yet.

Logic vs Evidence

logic is never enough, there must always be evidence. for while logic is a valuable decision-making tool, sometimes logic is faulty, or does not factor in every possibility.

On an unrelated note, i hate Fuji I. i mean, yeah... it sticks stuff okay, but it also clings to mucosa. at least i'm getting a lot of experience with it cos of all the bloody FP i've been luting with it. seems like ive stuck down as many units with ZnPO4 as i have with Fuji I. now it better hold well...

729

in all the chaos that swirls around my life, im glad that i have Peijun. she's been the greatest comfort to me during the days at school when she was around, and then in the days when she wasnt. guess it wasnt the easiest thing when i was left behind and she had to move on to work. but im glad to have her, even if i cant see her as often (by quite a drastic margin i might add). im glad for all the times we spend together, the laughing, the crying, the happiness, the sadness, everything. it seems so alive with her around, much better than being a drone in the lab and clinic with no aim but to discharge, no joy but to close up for the day. sure, things havent been easy due to all the stresses from school, home, NDC now and other sources, but i'd rather have lived this with her than not have had the chance to be with her at all. because its been the greatest happiness in my short little life. and i hope for much more happiness for the 2 of us in the years ahead, as we walk the road of life hand in hand, stopping to peer at the little flowers along the way.

Peijun, you're my little Gunslinger Girl.

The Light Before We Land - The Delgados

Gunslinger Girl

i think i've found my latest favourite anime. Gunslinger Girl features an Italian black ops group composed of cybernetically-enhanced girls and their handlers, and the trials, fights and emotional upheavals that they go through. its dark, contemplative, its got good soundtrack, and you just feel for the girls who have been plucked out of the dire straits they were in only to be put in another set of trials. unfortunately, i surmise it may never reach Arts Central. angsty pre-teen girl assassins with big-ass guns, especially after Dave Teo? more's the pity...

Dopo il Sogno ～夢のあとに～ - Yoshitaka Kitanami

Thunderbolt

seems like my life is a life of upheaval. just when you think things are working out, events come along to shake your world and prove you wrong. and thats when you have to get on your knees and pray, and then rush off to save that world from collapsing, with only great faith to guide you. if Job could say 'Though He slay, me, yet will I trust in Him', can't we? even when it seems like failure will make life unbearable...

Let's Fighting Love - Trey Parker

A Story

heres something lol-worthy i read on CBT.com:

"Once along time ago after pining over a girl for several months I was at a bar, still pining, when my best friend put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Dude, just rest your head on the table." Feeling so low and sorry for myself over a girl I put my head on the table with a big sigh, knowing that my best friend was about to fill me with his sage wisdom. And he did. He smacked the back of my head so hard it bounced back of the table and blurred my vision, made my eyes water and gave me a headache so blinding I thought I'd pass out. i looked at him and said "WTF did you do that for you ******. That hurt! You just about busted me skull open!" He just smiled at me and said "Head hurts doesn't it" to which I replied "Goddamn it hurts I just told you that. I think im gonna pass out. I'm gonna have a bruise on my head. You're an ass" He smiled at me again and said "Your not pining over your poor little broken heart anymore are you, because now you have a fractured skull to complain about"

七色の明日 ~Brand New Beat~ - BoA

The Coming

the CBT box set is out in PI now, along with Tech Manual and Starterbook: Sword and Dragon! and i have to receive the news online while casually perusing the PI website... dammit! want want want! im stuck here in the frigid science library (while, funny enough, its damn hot outside) and my box set is lying alone in the PI back room waiting for me to pick it up and open it lovingly and play with it. oh when shall that happy day be?

Pieces - L'Arc en Ciel

Lizard In The Fridge

holidays are here again, an im spending them in the beloved science library. i miss the medical library. its probably a matter of familiarity, seeing old faces around, having a favourite corner next to the dental shelves, being able to yell out to the guys to go for lunch/beg the guys to bloody hell listen to the call of the stomach and go for lunch. guys, i miss you all! this is a unisex designation btw...

i guess it kind of hit home during Buffet Night. sure its an annual affair, the same old damn thing year after year, with D1 skits sinking to new lows in terms of off-colour jokes and banana placement. but amidst all of that, i miss sitting round with the class and talking with them, hearing the guys crack jokes. i wish i could have taken a walk on the pier with Peijun (im sorry Geng, you just dont look, feel or sound the same) to feel the sea breeze in our hair. but this is the reality of life i guess. and to the D3 and D4 juniors who were at the dinner, thanks for inviting and old man to join in your photo shoots. it means something to me.

watched Ratatouille (damn that was a challenge) on Sunday. this movie is good. id say that it could stand proudly beside The Incredibles. it was american animation which was intelligent, had a story and a message, was not afraid to show characters with real flaws. in short, marketing potential for toys aside, this show is more than just kiddy faire. watch this movie.

SNOW KISS - NIRGILIS

Boot To The Head

why does it seem like the world is getting colder? not exactly in the most literal sense, but the air conditioning in clinic 3, which for years has lagged behind that of clinic 2 in terms of sheer cooling power, seems to have been fixed/upgraded/pimped out. coupled with the cold weather, sometimes its actively bloody freezing! the science library is also more frigid than, urm, a fridge i guess.

i think the guys are changing. they look the same, yet different. more confident. happier. in some cases, more prosperous. changes in circumstances, fortunes and mindsets. i want some of that!

single crown competency mounted and ready to send down. endo competency to be stuffed up tomorrow. whats left for me to take care of?

One Half - Wu Jiahui

Things I Learned Today

i found out the key to feeling lymph nodes on the cervical region today during an OS tutorial. press against the nearest firm structure, they say, and we futilely grope away. for the submandibular and submental glands, the nearest hard structure is the body of mandible. and for the neck, the next best thing to bone for the superficial nodes is a tensed sternocleidomastoid...

i cannot lose the will to press on. fatigue is setting in, the pressure doesnt want to go away... sleeping for 10 hours or so the day before yesterday helped immensely, but theres so much to see and do.

一色 - 中島美嘉

Barometer

pressure? frankly it sucks. to be pressured from so many directions while being told to be focussed is hard. especially when you cant just tell the sources of pressure to please take a queue number and wait for the recep to call them in. there have been times when i wished that i could sprout wings, flown out the window and lived on love and fresh air for the rest of my life. not going to happen. i find myself more and more tired, wishing i could find a nice corner to curl up and sleep. somewhere safe and warm where i can leave the world behind for half a day or two and surrender to the obliviousness of unconsciousness.

Debra the Violin Girl is back from america! seems like the longest time since i saw her around. unfortunately, no time to catch up. as an aside, wonder if i can scrape up the funds to buy the Mika Namashika CD going for ten bucks at Du Yi. looks worth it, even tho these days ive been listening to my radio so much.

think friday was my best endo session ever! restored my faith in the discipline somewhat. working under TLC is damn fun! showed us how to nuke voids, and even let me play with using chloroform to make a custom cone. hope i get that competency settled quick, not much time left.

我可以 - 蔡旻佑

Song of Truth

the world is a messy place, especially as the YouTube generation grows up. im not going to repost the long letter i sent out to my class, that remains in Dental circulation. suffice to say, its stupid to think that what you mail around or sent to the national papers will have no repercussions. to the freshies, i'd say im sorry your intro to the world of the faculty had to be so rough. normally its a time where you bond by the sweat of your brow, sharing fun and frustrations. the petty machinations and inconsiderate actions of others have marred this experience. and to the Taleban 3, please go find a quiet corner and commit seppuku. you can form a little triangle and second each other if you so wish.

真実の詩 - Do As Infinity